Bullshit Drama

I'm so frustrated with myself right now! I feel like I always bring drama upon myself. And when this happens I can not be productive (which is important because I'm a student) and I become very irritable. I feel as if this occurs everything I get close to people other than my parents and brother I end up getting hurt and distancing myself from everyone. Like now.

About three months back one of my best friends started dating one of my closest cousins. Both of these people are an important part of my life and I am close to both in very different ways. My cousin is a handsome, macho, power hungry womanizer and my friend is a beautiful, strong but emotionally dependent girl. They both fill different places in my heart; I would have a hard time choosing one over the other.

Two weeks ago my cousin went to a bachelor party and cheated on my girlfriend. He then chose to tell me the details of what happened and what she looked like. "She was bomb with red hair, long legs just gorgeous!” says my cousin. I am not sure why he told me this. If the girl were different this story would not strike me as surprising because he always tells me the details of his many sex conquests. But why would he tell me this knowing he has just cheated on my best friend with this other girl.

Anyhow as time went by I started to see Nancy differently not as my friend but a stupid girl falling for my cheating cousin’s many lies. Every time her and I talked she talked of him and how much time they spend together. While listening to her all I could think was that she has no idea how is already being unfaithful. But I didn't say anything to her thinking what good will come of it? They'll break up and it'll be my fault.

Little by little I found myself being snappy and mean to Nancy. I couldn't even make eye contact with her. So I stopped spending time with her all together. Then one day I hung out with her after two weeks, this is a long time for us, and I had so much fun. I really missed her! So that very evening I called her to apologize for my abnormal behavior and let her know that his change is not her fault but mine and my cousin's. But she kept interrogating and digging deeper and deeper to the point that I led her to believe that he was being untrue to her without actually telling her.

Naturally she was very upset with him and he completely denied the whole thing turning me into a bloody liar. I think she believes him not because she is a fool but because she wants to. Now I don't want to see either one for some time. I don’t think I am wrong so I will not apologize. But I wonder what I could have done differently. I just don't know...